False Friends and True Friends
In the Sigālaka Sutta (DN 31), the Buddha describes four kinds of people who appear to be friends but are not, and four kinds of true friends. Their actions reveal the difference. This teaching helps us choose our companions wisely and reflect on what kind of friend we are to others.
15. ‘Householder’s son, there are these four types who can be seen as foes in friendly guise: the man who is all take is one, the great talker is one, the flatterer is one, and the fellow-spendthrift is one.
16. ‘The man who is all take can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons: he takes everything, he wants a lot for very little, what he must do he does out of fear, and he seeks his own ends.
17. ‘The great talker can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons: he talks of favours in the past, and in the future, he mouths empty phrases of goodwill, and when something needs to be done in the present, he pleads inability owing to some disaster.
18. ‘The flatterer can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons: he assents to bad actions, he dissents from good actions, he praises you to your face, and he disparages you behind your back.
19. ‘The fellow-spendthrift can be seen to be a false friend for four reasons: he is a companion when you indulge in strong drink, when you haunt the streets at unfitting times, when you frequent fairs, and when you indulge in gambling.’
Thus the Lord spoke.
20. And the Well-Farer having spoken, the Teacher added:
‘The friend who seeks what he can get,
The friend who talks but empty words,
The friend who merely flatters you,
The friend who is a fellow-wastrel:
These four are really foes, not friends.
The wise man, recognising this,
Should hold himself aloof from them
As from some path of panic fear.
21. ‘Householder’s son, there are these four types who can be seen to be loyal friends: the friend who is a helper is one, the friend who is the same in happy and unhappy times is one, the friend who points out what is good for you is one, and the friend who is sympathetic is one.
22. ‘The helpful friend can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways: he looks after you when you are inattentive, he looks after your possessions when you are inattentive, he is a refuge when you are afraid, and when some business is to be done he lets you have twice what you ask for.
23. ‘The friend who is the same in happy and unhappy times can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways: he tells you his secrets, he guards your secrets, he does not let you down in misfortune, he would even sacrifice his life for you.
24. ‘The friend who points out what is good for you can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways: he keeps you from wrongdoing, he supports you in doing good, he informs you of what you did not know, and he points out the path to heaven.
25. ‘The sympathetic friend can be seen to be a loyal friend in four ways: he does not rejoice at your misfortune, he rejoices at your good fortune, he stops others who speak against you, and he commends others who speak in praise of you.’
Thus the Lord spoke.
26. And the Well-Farer having spoken thus, the Teacher added:
‘The friend who is a helper and
The friend in times both good and bad,
The friend who shows the way that’s right,
The friend who’s full of sympathy:
These four kinds of friends the wise
Should know at their true worth, and he
Should cherish them with care, just like
A mother with her dearest child.
Source: The Long Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the Dīgha Nikāya, Sigālaka Sutta (DN 31), sections 15–26, pp. 464–466. Translated by Maurice Walshe.