During a practice interview, I sometimes ask, “How did your practice go last week?” and hear, “Ah, it did not go well.” What matters then is to look specifically at what was difficult and what states of mind arose. Was concentration difficult? Was an expected experience absent? Or was there not enough time to practice? The conditions we need to examine will differ accordingly.
There is a pattern of mind I often discover through these interviews. First comes the intention, “I will practice well this week.” Then it becomes an expectation: “I should be calmer than this,” or “I should enter the jhāna I experienced last time.” When things do not go as hoped, disappointment and irritation arise. Attachment to obtaining a result is not satisfied, and anger follows.
Then thoughts multiply. “Why is it not working? Am I practicing correctly? Is my capacity too limited? Is this practice method right?” Following these thoughts repeatedly can make the mind more scattered, and being caught in doubt can make it difficult to continue practicing. While thinking about the desired result, we miss the craving, anger, anxiety, and doubt arising right now.
Of course, asking about the practice method and seeking clarification are not in themselves the hindrance of doubt. Asking about what we do not understand and learning to understand it correctly are necessary parts of practice. In the interview, we can discuss these questions specifically and clarify what needs to be understood or adjusted. Repeating the same thoughts alone and blaming ourselves is different from examining the causes and conditions of a difficulty and addressing them.
Nor should we regard all motivation to practice as greed. The intention and effort to reduce unwholesome states and cultivate wholesome ones are necessary. What we need to examine is whether that motivation has turned into impatience and attachment: “I must have this particular experience.”
When practice feels difficult, we should also examine physical fatigue, sleep, our living environment, and our understanding of the practice method. We cannot assume that every difficulty is caused by craving or anger. The interview is a time to examine these conditions together with the mind’s responses and find the direction each practitioner needs.
If a wish for results arises during sitting meditation, recognize it. If irritation arises because things are not going as hoped, recognize that anger as well. Rather than following thoughts that continue to feed it, return to the practice you have been taught. There is no need to create further suffering by blaming yourself because greed, hatred, or delusion has arisen. Recognizing and working skillfully with the mind that has arisen is also practice.
Continue cultivating the conditions that support practice. Keep the precepts, observe greed, hatred, and delusion in daily life, and sit regularly, following the method you have been taught. Make the necessary effort without demanding a particular result from every sitting. Continue sincerely, with a mind at ease.
As this attitude becomes established, you can describe your practice more honestly and specifically in the interview. You might say, “There were days when concentration was difficult, but I recognized my impatience and returned to the practice,” or “I realized that wanting results was making me tense.” What matters is to continue practicing with an easeful, cheerful, and positive mind, while understanding what states of mind arose under what conditions and how you recognized and worked with them. When “My practice is going well” comes from this attitude, it expresses a quiet confidence that you are continuing steadily, learning and making adjustments even when difficulties arise.
The difficulties discussed in a practice interview are not reports of failure. By examining them together, we clarify what needs to be let go of and what conditions need to be cultivated in the next practice. Learning, adjusting, and continuing steadily, one step at a time, is the right attitude toward practice.
Nancy Acord